On being absent from their lives…
Here I am an old man..
Trying to remember that very day i left..
Maybe for valid reasons and maybe not..
Maybe for selfish reasons..
And maybe for peace…
I could still remember the look
On his innocent face when he realized
That i would be gone for good..
I thought that though me and his
Mom were through, still he would be ok…
Never had the chance to feel what they would
Go through after i left.. just thought that
I would still be there for them..
Years would pass with me moving in my whole new world.. each day self reassuring myself
That I did what I needed for myself…
And yet feel so empty not being with achie and syoti in their growing up days.. even as I had
On their important days..
Gone are the days when i still felt how I still
Was important to them.. gone are the times i would look for achie and would not find her home.. a sign i never saw as a call for help..
And gone are the days i would have syoti for the whole weekend just hanging around..
Doing computer stuff and just hanging.. and sharing the little we had for burgers, chicken mcdo and canned goods..
These are the only things i have left to hang on to.. never felt how my life affected theirs.. Never understood how it probably make achie feel as hopeless.. and force her into a life She shouldn’t have had..
But i took it in… I said maybe it was
The price i had to pay.. then i turned to
Syoti and vowed never to make him feel his life
was at a dead end.. making sure he understood
why u had to be strict on him and why he had
to do things my way..
Seasons and years have passed.. achie was able to start on her own with only her high school diploma.. and syoti was able to finish his computer science on a scholarship…
Another pay back, I guess now, is the waiting
the wanting to hear from them.. for them to answer my messages on text, viber, skype or messenger.. still wishing that we all could start something together.. just wishing..
Like they say life goes on.. maybe it is high time for me to get back with continuing mine..
I gather i still have a good twenty years or so. I don’t know where I have been… still am trying to figure out where i will be… 17 years since I left.. can’t say it’s been a journey because it’s not.. but hey.. this was the path I took and though i missed my kids along the way.. i am still happy that i am still their dad..
Trying to remember that very day i left..
Maybe for valid reasons and maybe not..
Maybe for selfish reasons..
And maybe for peace…
I could still remember the look
On his innocent face when he realized
That i would be gone for good..
I thought that though me and his
Mom were through, still he would be ok…
Never had the chance to feel what they would
Go through after i left.. just thought that
I would still be there for them..
Years would pass with me moving in my whole new world.. each day self reassuring myself
That I did what I needed for myself…
And yet feel so empty not being with achie and syoti in their growing up days.. even as I had
On their important days..
Gone are the days when i still felt how I still
Was important to them.. gone are the times i would look for achie and would not find her home.. a sign i never saw as a call for help..
And gone are the days i would have syoti for the whole weekend just hanging around..
Doing computer stuff and just hanging.. and sharing the little we had for burgers, chicken mcdo and canned goods..
These are the only things i have left to hang on to.. never felt how my life affected theirs.. Never understood how it probably make achie feel as hopeless.. and force her into a life She shouldn’t have had..
But i took it in… I said maybe it was
The price i had to pay.. then i turned to
Syoti and vowed never to make him feel his life
was at a dead end.. making sure he understood
why u had to be strict on him and why he had
to do things my way..
Seasons and years have passed.. achie was able to start on her own with only her high school diploma.. and syoti was able to finish his computer science on a scholarship…
Another pay back, I guess now, is the waiting
the wanting to hear from them.. for them to answer my messages on text, viber, skype or messenger.. still wishing that we all could start something together.. just wishing..
Like they say life goes on.. maybe it is high time for me to get back with continuing mine..
I gather i still have a good twenty years or so. I don’t know where I have been… still am trying to figure out where i will be… 17 years since I left.. can’t say it’s been a journey because it’s not.. but hey.. this was the path I took and though i missed my kids along the way.. i am still happy that i am still their dad..